Resolve Team Conflict at Work | 5 Steps to bring you back on track // conflict resolution strategies
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let's start okay so it's a conflict and it's your team six to nine people and
your startup or elsewhere maybe someone isn't doing the job they're supposed to
be doing maybe someone is not living up to the leadership that is expected of
them maybe someone's being negative everybody talks about it behind closed
doors and you really want to do something but you don't know what well
even if you're not a certified mediator or Heaven studied conflict resolution
these five steps will help your team get unstuck please note that this is not a
philosophical training session around how to theoretically solve conflicts but
it's going to be suspiciously practical so if that's what you're up for listen
on let's start with step number one this is what we build trust in order to
surface any decision relevant information that otherwise wouldn't
surface you form groups of three you go into a different room and you pick one
lucky starter to begin the process that person talks for five minutes without
stopping about how am I feeling how am I feeling about my work this team myself
on the team and what challenges me what do I find hard yeah and the others
listen the others don't comment but they are allowed to take notes now after five
minutes the status turns around and now it's
their time to shut up and let the other people talk we suggest to reserve 20
minutes for that and the others talk about four pretty relevant questions
first question what is really going on so this is the
invitation for you to be the hub psychologist that we all are anyways and
share what do you think are the root causes for the other person feeling
comfortable or uncomfortable second question what does this person fear why
do we ask this well if we experience ourselves vulnerable we actually
empathize and we will need quite some empathy for the questions and steps to
come third question how does having this fear make this person a great person
here you find answers maybe the person is stressed and fears exhaustion well
then that's probably a person who really wants to do a good job maybe this person
is anxious about the team culture yeah well maybe this is a very sensitive
person with a great talent to see even the subtleties of communication which by
the way is fabulous in negotiations for instance and here's really your task to
give a heartfelt booster to that one person that has just been speaking for
so long and now comes the last and final question what does the group need to
know yes the words and that circle should be kept confidential
but the most important abstract points actually must be carried on so once
you've got all these four questions answered the starter turns around again
and states that there are any points that are not ok to be raised in the
group and the rest of you - you basically accept no discussion and also
by the way please do refrain from giving feedback to your team members as to how
correct they were with their analysis of that other person's inner world if we
create an atmosphere of being judged we are going to be less open in the next
round and we don't want that so yeah you can easily guess now the next person
starts talking and so with 3 people you will need 3 times 25 minutes today and
that is already the whole magic of step number 1 step 2 you go back into the
room it's the easiest step of all step three
you make an agenda of all the things you have to discuss and by the way here
comes a little warning because step four is not only the most difficult but also
the longest of all steps so if you have any questions regarding step four let me
know in the comments below step four is you discuss you discuss all the points
that you fear the group has to talk about and I will quickly cover why this
is so hard and what the heck you can do about this being so hard so why is this
so hard essentially because people trigger the
heck out of each other please recognize this
please don't say but I'm not triggered by this idiot because you are picture to
people who have differing opinions but who don't trigger each other how do they
different from you and your team they don't have a conflict it's as simple as
a bad and being triggered is a challenge because it does two things to people
first of all we stop asking smart questions and second of all we stop
listening concisely famous example two sisters fighting for an orange what do
you do most commonly people would say I cut the orange in half and interestingly
enough this is actually a sub optimal outcome because here's what the real
conflict managers ask they ask mark my words what about that thing is it that
you really really want that it's so important for you in brackets what is it
about that orange that is so important for you and it turns out that one sister
wants the juice and the other sister wants the peel for the cake now this is
a smart solution but it requires that you postpone your trigger you can't just
get angry and shouted someone or hit someone or just take the orange let's
say but you also can't just withdraw into your fear and shut up because you
would never have asked that smart question so what can you do about this
being so hard for every point on your agenda you ask what do you want and
through that you're getting the positions of differ
people then you postpone any fight-or-flight response and you ask
what is it about that position that is important for you and by asking that
you're going from the very concrete positions to the more underlying and
fluffy interest and needs and this is where the magic happens because
oftentimes we are not compatible on the level of positions we both want the
orange but we are compatible when we talk about interests and I want the peel
for the cake I want the juice yay and then we brainstorm we brainstorm options
solutions that we can implement to satisfy not the positions but the
interests and needs here's an example from my coaching that happened very
recently I was coaching a team with a ... COO oh let's call him Daniel who was
working four times faster than everybody else at his team and had this very
strong thing of going you guys you have to work more effectively we ask what do
you want he goes I want to leave the office earlier we asked what about that
is important for you and he goes I want to spend more time with my family now
there are two learnings here first of all he wasn't even pissed with his
colleagues being less productive from him and second really what his
underlying needs and interests were was to spend more time with his family to
get more out of his 24 hours and then we started to brainstorm and here are three
options that his amazing team came up with first of all why don't you check
out at 18 o'clock have dinner with your family and then check back in at 20
o'clock just in case there's an emergency and we urgently need to call
you second solution how about you tell us really concisely of what it is that
you need from us as a team before 18 o'clock so that then you can
lightheartedly just disappear and that solution and that was probably
the best of all was it actually turned out there was a huge misunderstanding
where Daniel is hero feared that he would not be respected properly if he
didn't stay long hours in the office while actually the opposite was
happening with the team started to disrespect him because they felt how
stressed he was about not being able to leave early so that solution was
actually you know watch this Danny when you feel you have to take care of your
family just disappear cool did this make sense to you if yes let me know in the
comments if no and you have further questions also let me know in the
comments step 5 you make an agreement you make a plan of
all the things that you are going to agree on on from now and guess what it's
better to be specific something like hey let's all be friends again and isn't
like you to work instead what is way better is if you have a concise thing
along the lines of okay Daniel can check out at 18 o'clock have dinner be Beckett
20 o'clock for urgent phone calls and in return we'll get a coach to help him
master his anger outbursts because hey these are really hard to handle is this
the only possible solution to fix this conflict no but it is a solution that
worked for them important at some point in the process there will be a moment
where you all have to sign that bloody agreement and look each other in the
eyes and say yes to all the points in the agreement that your yes is required
for now don't say yes if you're not feeling a yes most conflicts and my
experience happen because someone somewhere in the hierarchy chooses to
shut up and not voice what needs to be voiced and the truth is at some point we
are all responsible for our own happiness so if we are not feeling yes
and still saying yes there's no way your team can save you so if you're not
feeling it don't say yes and continue to brainstorm innovative
solutions and everybody's needs are met yeah that's it these are the five steps
so in case you want to really get that going I have summarized them all and a
guide which we will link below the video as soon as the guide is ready and hey if
you had fun watching this video but do you know you want to take it a step
further and really build something in your life that inspires yourself and
others whether that's your own company the passion project or just finding a
niche within your current organization that really rocks you dare to get in
touch with us for one of our bootcamps or coachings through signing up for a
coffee chats which are about 45 to 60 minute free coaching conversations with
one of our team members where we will sit down with you to chat about what the
heck is holding you back and how you can turn your biggest passions talents and
values into something that sweeps you off your feet if you like this video
give it a like if you want more personal growth exercises like these subscribe to
this channel and hit the notification bell and if you know someone who is an
amazing person but stuck in a beautiful beautiful team conflict there to share
this video with them probably it's going to be much appreciated and let me know
in the comments what you want to watch next
I want to watch next something on contract management oh really
we'll really
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