5 Steps To Improved Relationships

So today we are talking about five steps to improve relationships and you know you might realize that you know we have so many different relationships right? we've got our work relationships, we've got maybe a marriage relationship, we've got relationships with our kids with you know with with all sorts of people, people that are working with us you know whether we're an employer or an employee, we have relationships and we need to make them work for us, we need to make sure that they're serving us, that they're you know, that the experiences that we're having are feeding us, feeding our souls and helping us to enjoy the quality of life instead of detract from it; so a lot of times we're not showing up in relationships the way we need to be, we're not really showing up authentically, we're not showing up honestly, we're not letting people know what we need and we're not letting people you know tell us what they need. We might be even a bully ourselves, where somebody you know they want to tell you how they feel, but they know that you might get your feelings hurt and stuff; like that so it's very possible you know that we're in these relationships and we're kind of wearing a mask, I mentioned that in last week's focus, that a lot of times we're wearing a mask & we're not really showing up as our authentic selves, we're not being who we truly are, so in our relationships if we're doing that then each person in the relationship is kind of playing the role trying to figure out which masks they need to be wearing, how they need to show up, what they need to be doing. So anyway, today I wanted just to tell you how to improve the current relationships that you have and how to create new relationships. So we're going to talk a little bit about whether or not you know if you want to attract ideal some ideal clients for yourself if you want to attract an ideal spouse or partner in life, something like that. There's a certain way to go about doing that and these these five things really can help you shift any relationship that you're in and they can also help you to bring better people, better relationships into your life. So I've got some notes here, but you know your relationships are a real barometer for the life that you're living, so if you're not feeling good in your life, if your life isn't feeling fulfilled, if you're not satisfied and happy; a lot of it has to do with your relationships. That the relationships that you are in, that you are showing up in, you know and how you're showing up is a huge part of it so you know we can, we can attract better relationships to ourselves and we can improve the current relationships that we have, and just by doing these few things. So you know first of all, how we engage with others and allow others to treat us and love us, etc. has a big impact on our happiness, like I mentioned. You know we, you know we teach people how to treat us, and I've said that before and a lot of people don't like to hear that, but you know if you're in a relationship with somebody and you don't like the way you're being treated a lot of times it's because you're not standing up for that your stuff, you're not using your voice, you're not saying what you need. So it's really important for you to have that you know awareness of: I'm allowing somebody to treat me this way, I'm allowing somebody to talk to me this way, I'm allowing them to not show up when we have an appointment, I'm allowing them for not returning something you know if it's one of your employees and you have a deadline, you say "I would like to get this back by the end of day" and then you don't get it and you don't do anything about it and then the next day you don't get it and then you're mad at them and you're having all this resentment, it's that you're allowing this right, so you have to step up, but it takes courage and you have to, you know, ask for what you need, you have to, you know in all things in life whether it's your kids and they're not delivering the things you've got to make sure that you're showing up and you're you're stepping into your power and you're using your voice and asking say "I need this". So you know, obviously for children and things like that, people you know, people will say well they're people that have been abused and things like that and I'm sure those people weren't teaching people how to treat them, no I mean obviously you know, but we're we are not victims to our circumstances and most of the time in our lives and so it's important for us to say what's not working and how can I show up differently. So anyway, in these relationships, the first thing you want to have is: you want to have a clear vision for what this relationship looks like. So I'm going to use an example if you would like to attract a partner okay; I teach on this all the time, so let's just say that you're single right now and you would like to bring someone into your life, so you want to get a clear vision for what does it look like for you to be in a relationship with a new partner, with your you know it's a new spouse or somebody that you're dating. What does that person look like? So you want to... and how does it feel like? What are the feelings? You want to know what it's going to feel like, you know things like, you know like, you feel adored, cherished, confident, you feel heard, valued, listened to. Those are the kind of things that you want, you want to feel in a relationship a lot of times. So you want to get clear about that, then you want to get real clear on what that person is going to look like - so what kind of traits does that person have? Now let's just say that you're in a marriage and you would like to improve your marriage relationship and you're noticing that you're not really talking to each other anymore you're not really communicating anymore and that's sort of common especially after you know 20-something years 15-20 years people always talk about this, that they just don't feel like their communications there anymore. So you have to sit down and get real clear; make a list of 10 things that you would like in an ideal person, in your marriage for example or you know as this person that you want to date and write this down. Now don't think about that person, the actual person that you're married to right now, kind of put them aside, not that you're dumping the baby out with the bathwater, not getting rid of them; but you're putting them aside, because right now you have a concept of what that person is capable of and and who they're capable of being based on the last 20-something years or whatever that you spend time with them. So you know this could go with an employee - or an employer you know you know that your boss is always going to respond in a certain way. So remove that person from the, you know, just put them over to the side and just make a list now of 10 things that you would like to have in this relationship with your boss, in this relationship with your employee. Ten ways of being. Ten, you know, things like we're... you know mutual respect, being heard, showing up on time. You know in a relationship it might be you know your opinion is valued, that you are able to use your voice, you know those kinds of things. I don't know what kind of things, you know whatever is going on in your, in your relationship; you want to just put that aside and just put down: these are the things that I would love if I were in an ideal relationship, in a marriage. What would these things look like and get clear about what are those things? Okay, then the third thing you want to do is you need to look at yourself and figure out: who do I need to be in order to have this ideal relationship, this ideal marriage, this ideal boyfriend/girlfriend, new relationship? Who do I need to be? How do I need to show up in order to attract that kind of person who's going to be respectful, who's going to value me, who's going to let my voice be heard? How do I need to to show up? I need to ask for what I need, I need to set clear boundaries for what I will and will not accept, those kinds of things. So right, but write down a list of ten things of yourself of how you need to be, how you need to show up in that relationship. Then number four: you want to look for evidence that it's already, that you already have it. You know we tend to look at our relationships and we tend to see the bad and then we tend to always be complaining about what's not working so we don't want that to be our reality. We want to make sure that we're looking for the good things. So sit down, in any relationship that you currently have or even looking at any relationships that you've had in the past, look at what the good things were. If you're looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend and and write down what the things are good, the things that you know that you showed up well; like you were you know you were dedicated, you were trustworthy, committed, all those kinds of things. Write those things down and you know, so look for the proof that you're capable of having a good relationship a lot of times people will say "well, I'm just incapable, I can't have a good relationship, I've never been able to attract the right person and I just give up". So you putting that kind of energy out and you having that belief and telling your unconscious mind that that's going to be your reality, well I hate to say it, but it's not going to change, so you need to get clear about what is working,how it does work for you in relationships. Then lastly, you need to schedule time on your calendar for this relationship if you want to have an improved relationship with somebody you need to actually schedule time on your calendar. Now you might say "well, I don't have that ideal girlfriend yet, they're not in my life". Well, that's right, you don't have them; but what you can do is schedule something in your calendar to to do some self work, to do some personal development work: "What do I need to do in order to attract these kinds of people to myself? How am I showing up?" Am I belittling other people? Am I hurting other people? You know, am I being boastful? Am I being an egomaniac? Like how am i showing up, that's keeping people from being in a relationship? If you want to know more about that you can, I've got my class called: thought pattern perfecting process coming up and I teach you how to uncover what you're doing that's not working in your life. But anyway, my goal is to keep these things under 10 minutes, so that's all we have for today. Those are the five things you want to do... go back and re-watch this if you came on late and watch this and really just get clear that you can improve your relationships, but you have to show up in a different way. You know that last one: creating time for that relationship, you can actually send that person, if you have a spouse, you can be sending them kind and loving thoughts, caring thoughts. You know remember that we're all souls having a human experience, doing the best we can with what we know and a lot of times we're blaming the other guy and we're always thinking "it's their problem", but a lot of times we need to look at ourselves because you know everybody's doing the best they can; people don't wake up in the morning trying to make us angry right? So anyway, I'm Kristin Tatman and if you're interested in seeing more of my friday focus or anything else, go ahead and just hit the three icons up above and click on notifications and you'll get more, and we'll go ahead and post something in the comments about my upcoming class that starts i think next week. All right, thanks for being here!

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